To The Moon And Back

So dark in the moonlight.....

2010-03-16T10:05:00.003-05:00

Don't ask me how I am doing, unless you are prepared to hear the absolute truth.......I am not stupid, I know you want me to lie to you and tell you that we are ok and how happy we are now. That is furthest from the truth. So very far........SO maybe do us a favor and not ask us how we are doing at all OR maybe you can just say hey " Let's talk about her....let's talk about Lizzy" Just cut to the chase, please........I hate it when you beat around the bush, trying to avoid the unavoidable in our minds. We know it is uncomfortable for you, how do you think it feels for us? Everyone acting like she doesn't exist, pisses me the FUCK off. There I said it. No holding back. Don't like it, don't read my words. Yes my words. I may not speak much to you in person and it is because you wish not to speak to me, I do know this. I can read it in your faces. You see me and you see a bitch, to you family and friends that is nothing but a shell.....what you don't see is the hurt and how torn I am inside AND maybe I don't want you to see this, this despair I have kept hidden for years now.

de·spair (d-spâr)

intr.v. de·spaired, de·spair·ing, de·spairs

1. To lose all hope: despaired of reaching shore safely.

2. To be overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.

1. Complete loss of hope.

2. One despaired of or causing despair

So before you ask me this question which is very hard for me to answer, think twice about asking it.....please. You are probably better off not saying anything at all..........

Freeze the fading past:3 Years

2010-03-15T08:29:00.003-05:00

February 25th. 3 years ago was the day we said good bye to our 10 year old daughter as she walked out of the house to go play with her friends. She was 10, and would be riding my 4 wheeler. An adult sized 4-wheeler. We know she shouldn't have been on it, spare us the details please. She had her fun on it until her accident, that sent our family spinning into the depths of despair. We went through all of the "Why's" "Why not us" All of those questions. It didn't seem real in the beginning , some days it still does not seem real. She should have had a helmet on.....NO she should have NEVER been on that thing to begin with, her frame was just to tiny for that large machine, but yet there are still kids riding without helmets on these big machines all over. Sure it's fun! But.....not until someone you love dies. And then you realize it all could have been prevented, and I think that is what hurts the most....that we could have prevented her death. I know it is to late for my Lizzy but what about these other kids that hop on these 4-wheelers with out a care in the world and no helmets? What can we do?? What can YOU do?

I'm missing her a lot these past couple of months. I see girls her age and am just in awe at how tall they are, matured and try to think of what she would look like and then I face the reality that I will never see her become a teenager so I need to keep her beautiful 10 year old face in my mind as is. When I do try to picture her as a teen, I can feel myself almost stop breathing and heart racing.........I just never thought I would lose my baby girl and this bites. Back to reality...

Random

2009-11-17T10:48:00.004-06:00

Image by DoomGal via Flickr

Just a random post-I'm hungry. And I am thinking of disabling the comment features here. This blog here is for me and me only, I am not expecting comments. So keep yo' opinions to yourself, unless they are nice and you are not preaching to me, yeah no preachy stuff. I don't need that right now.

Time After Time...

2009-09-18T06:18:00.003-05:00

I can't keep up with blogging. I think I will just take a mini-vacation and who knows how long it will be. Could be 1 day, 1 week, or 1 year. I have been known to do that before. I am not abandoning it for good however, my thoughts are jumbled and really don't know how to say what I need to say. I still have my good days and bad, these days more good days despite the health issues [epilepsy] I have been having which is putting a strain on my short term memory. Anyway I will be back, I just don't know when. Later peeps. You know how to contact me if needed.

Happy Birthday Lizzy

2009-08-13T21:06:00.005-05:00

So today is her birthday, she would be 13 years old. A BIG teenager! I can't even imagine it anymore. I found a poem and I thought it was perfect for my Lizzy-To The Moon And Back Sweetie.

-----------------------------------------------------

Today is my birthday

Celebrate my life with you

And remember the good times

Not the bad.

Do not be sad

Look up towards the sun

And catch every ray of light

Upon your cheek

For I am there with you

Today is my birthday

Be happy for me

I lived short, but full

I had the pleasure of love

And the joy of my family

Do not be sad

Look up towards the stars

And catch each twinkle

In your heart

For I am there with you

Today is my birthday

My legacy is not wealth

Or mighty belongings

My legacy is you and your life

Spend it wisely and carefully

Guard it always

Do not be sad

Feel the wind on your face

And in your hair

And know that I loved you

For I am there with you in your laughter

And in your hearts

Today is my birthday

Learn to live again without me,

Take my strength with you

For you are not alone.

Do not be sad

Feel the rain on your face

Feel all life's treasures and

Know that you are alive!

At each step of the way

I will help you

For I am with you always

Until we meet again.

------Author Unknown-------

On A Jet Plane

2009-07-01T07:49:00.003-05:00

A note to Liz: Hey sweetie! I miss you so much it hurts :/ I do have to say that there are good days, really there are! I never thought that I would ever have a good day after you died. Now here it is almost 2 1/2 years later and I am laughing once again, but don't get me wrong I do have my bad days. We all do. But I am coping, not healing, just coping with our tragedy. We received some good news not to long ago, your Parrain is going to be a daddy again! How awesome is that? They are due sometime in February, so the month I dread, will now be a month of hope and something to look forward to. Your 13th birthday is coming up in about a month and a half, that will be a hard day. I just never know how I am going to react when certain dates/milestones roll around, It's hard. And you would be a teen, something I can't imagine :[

Your dad had an awesome opportunity come his way so he jumped on it! Going to Budapest to work for 30 days, come home for 2 weeks. Keeping this schedule until the end of the year. We miss him LOTS but I think it is a great experiene for him, just wish we all could have gone! You look out for him ok? You know planes scare me, I remember a conversation we had not to long before you left us about getting on a plane and heading out to Disney Land, you were so excited and I was very frightened.............I wish I could have let go of that fear so that we could have made that trip! Well I have a semi-busy day today, got to go to the store. We ar emaking your favorite food tonight, TACO'S!!

I Love You To The Moon And Back
The Mom

To Damn Hot

2009-06-22T16:07:00.002-05:00

Damn. It is just to hot outside. To do anything really. So the kids and I have been staying inside, enjoying the half ass A/C. On another note, I don't know why I decided to blog today, I mean I remember a time when I wouldn't miss a day of blogging or reading blogs and now I go months without blogging and I rarely read blogs. It is like I have ADD or something, I just can't seem to concentrate on one particular thing for any given moment. And the point of this blog? Huh, there is none. I was just sitting here watching icarly.com and I thought of blogging? Anyway like I said, to damn hot.....

See a ray of light...

2009-04-02T10:32:00.001-05:00

I am sick as a fucking dog. I hate being sick. Mothers just can't get sick, ya hear me? I don't want to do a damn thing except lay in bed and just rest. But I have to go to the store in a bit or my kids will starve, maybe getting out will help a bit (doubt it!) But I will have to do it. If you have sent me an email and I haven't gotten back to you, don't worry I will. I have been sick since the weekend and it seems to be getting worse. Anyway it is also about to rain really bad so the gloomy weather doesn't help, although it may help me fall asleep. I really need to clean though!

Lizzy- I think about you constantly, but I find that I don't fall asleep thinking about you or waking up think about you. I felt bad at first but I think it is just a part of the healing process. Kristen told me the same thing and I told her it was ok, she is just accepting the fact that you are gone and it is a good thing. She will never forget you of course, she is talking more and more about you so things are getting easier for her. She loves school and wished she could share her highschool experiences with her lil sis, but she does have her lil brother's and she does talk to them about school. So Lizzy, you are always in our thoughts, I have just come to realize that I can't change what happened and I have to be here mentally for your brothers and sis, right? Plus I know that if the roles were reversed I WOULD NOT want you to mourn for so long, I would want you to go on with your life and being the awesome girl you were I know that you would want that for us. So thank you for the wonderful 10 years that you were here with us, you taught us a lot, most importantly-The Value Of Life and Love.

To The Moon And Back

Love-
The Mom

Your sis and I cut our hair!!

2 Years

2009-02-25T15:05:00.001-06:00

2 Years today since you left. We miss you so much Lizzy. It just doesn't feel like 2 years. To The Moon and Back Lizzy- I Love You.

Bartender...Another drink please?

2009-02-06T23:46:00.004-06:00

Another late night. Not able to sleep. To many thoughts, memories, some good.....some bad going through this little warped mind of mine. This month , on the 25th will mark the 2 year anniversary since my baby girl died at the tender age of 10. I keep thinking that there will be just one day. ONE FUCKING day where she won't pop into my mind. But every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed, her beautiful face and eyes are with me. I have ab MP3 player that her big sister gave to her about a month before she died and she recorded some really goofy stuff on there. I listen to it and cry, knowing I will never ever hear that silly voice of hers. I am so happy to have that precious keepsake. I also have video's of her. I mean I can't bring myself to actually watch the video's because she is actually moving and talking and acting like Lizzy acted, silly, she never had a problem making other people laugh, I hope one day I will be able to pull those video's out and instead of crying I will laugh at the good times.

I try to put things into perspective and see the good in people and things that happen. This, the death of our daughter I never thought there would be anything good again, do you know what it feels like to not see all of the beautiful colors? It is like everything is black and white in the world, the colors are dull to me. Seasons come and go and it is like I don't even notice. Well I think I am starting to notice the colors again some what and I have met this great couple who let me talk to them about Lizzy. They are not scared to hear her name, nor or they scared of mentioning her name. I am thankful to them for that. I wish they knew just how much they help.

My two younger boys are laying here next to me in the bed since my husband is out of town. Since Lizzy died I try not to take each moment for granted, because the week before she died my husband was out of town for work like he is at the moment and I remember this moment just as it would have happened yesterday. She came into my room that night and asked me if she could sleep in the bed with me since one of the boys was sleeping with me, I told her No. And I told her that because it would be crowded with the three of us in bed. If I could change that I would say yes in a heartbeat to have had her sleep with me, I loved watching her sleep. She had the cutest little snore and now I will never hear it again. So with things like that I think about stuff a little more now. It may be something small but just think about it, what if it were your child and you knew they were going to be gone forever, you would want to spend as much time with your child as you could right? So I guess what I am saying is that if your kid wants a pack of gum at the store, that toy they have been wanting, or if they just want to climb in the bed with you at night just do it ok? You won't be spoiling him/her trust me. You will be glad that you did it. Cause you just never know..............

To The Moon And Back, I Love you Lizzy.......See you again someday.

You've got your ball, you've got your chain....

2008-12-15T20:21:00.003-06:00

Well, it certain;y has been awhile since I have added anything here. These past few months have been extremely hard to deal with................it has just been hard to LIVE period. We moved into a new home, holiday happiness is all around me and well here I am trying to be happy only remembering that my daughter has died, the way she died, what she was wearing that day. Everything leading up to the accident is so vivid in my mind, but heaven forbid I try to balance my checkbook, all hell breaks lose and I can't even add the simplest of numbers. I could forget what I did 2 minutes ago , but here I am remebering thing that happened almost 2 years ago like they just happened.

I think I have sort of had a small break through if you want to call it that. Things don't seem to be in grey so much anymore, I see more color and am aware of things now that I wasn't aware of during the past 2 years that she has been gone. I don't know what changed to tell you the truth, it certainly wasn't any religious miracle or anything like that, I just WOKE up. I will never forget my daughter, she brightened up any room when she walked in and she just loved to cut up and joke. She will forever be 10 even though she would be 12 now, but since I only knew her when she is 10, she will remain 10 forever.

When we moved to this new house we had the tedious task of bringing over her belongings, BUT no room for her to put the stuff in. So now I have begun to go through bags and bags of her favorite clothes, and blankets. I will never be able to part with any of her items, I believe they should be shared with my surviving children and one day their children. I want them to never forget their sister, we will always remember her and miss her............

Lizzy- I lit a candle for at The Compassionate Friends memorial last night, your na,e was read out loud and I was given a candle to bring your flame to life and it was a good night, lots of tears but we all had something in common , not by choice. I could cry and not worry what the other person might think I was crying for................Anyway Christmas is coming up and in a way I a looking forward to it? Strange as that may sound............I still visit you at the cemetery and will always do that, a quiet peaceful place to think and remember the times I had with you. Anyway baby girl, I will see you again one day.............I Hope. To The Moon And Back I Love You....

Breaking...

2008-10-22T12:15:00.001-05:00

Acckkkk. I am so freaking stressed about something it is so unreal....I just wish things would go right for once..........

Moving on......

2008-10-06T23:26:00.003-05:00

So we are in our new home. The home where Lizzy never lived here. I am still getting used to this fact. People are Congratulating us and everything and I am like for what, because I forget about the house.........And then I am like ohhhhh, thanks. I don't mean to sound so ungrateful it's just that......Everything is cool in the new home. Weird. I mean her prescence was never felt here, she has no room here, she never walked in this house. Which is sad for me. I also miss my neighbors who were there for me after Lizzy passed, now I feel like I am pretty much alone, even though I am not. We are in an AWESOME house and I can't be happy.............I have tried. I want to be happy and I know that Lizzy would want me to be happy, but it is kind of impossible right now and all new to me...........Maybe with time, as my heart heals I will find that happiness again I once felt when she was alive......

And hopefully I will have some pictures sooner or later...........

*I am so thankful for the relationship I have with my sister, I didn't think we could be this close again after Lizzy died*

The Hollow...

2008-09-14T01:32:00.003-05:00

I am wide awake. I don't know if it is the lack of sleep and all the stress from these fucking hurricanes, but I have not been sleeping good. Well I just woke in the middle of a nightmare that involved my two young boys and my daughter who has been dead for over a year. This nightmare basically well I was alone with the boys and I was scared....someone kept trying to break in, well in my dream these men did break into my home and started taking stuff, I was trying to get my boys and myself out and I couldn't find the car keys, so I picked up the phone to call my husband and they had cut the lines. So we tried to make a run for it and they saw us. Threw three bags to put over myself and my two boys......Well that scene ended and I was in another scene, still frightened that someone was going to break in and I just kept trying to protect the boys, no matter what though I couldn't get in touch with my husband....He seemed so far away when I did try talking to him..............Finally I just yelled , I WANT TO WAKE UP!!! And there were some other scenes, I saw Elizabeths clothes in the bathroom, started balling and the next thing I know, she is holding my hand pulling my boys and I away from it all and then I woke up. Crying and I am still crying right now. I have dreamed of Lizzy before but never like that, we never held each other or anything like that............SO yeah I am a bit freaked out. Here it is almost 2 in the morning and I can't stop crying or thinking about her holding my hand and just taking me away from this nightmare......I had to take a Valium.....I don't think it is working. I calmed down a bit but damn I just wish she was here so much and I don't know what this dream meant, It probably meant the total opposite of what I am thinking.......I am gonna try to lay down, but I doubt there will be any sleep for me tonight..........again.

I Love You To The Moon And Back Lizzy...........Thank you.

Your shittin me right?

2008-08-28T12:01:00.005-05:00

So there is this aggravating piece of shit in the gulf brewing....his name? Hurricane Gustav.....It sucks really for us in Louisiana, since we pretty don't know where it is going and everyone here is on pins and needles.

I mean you don't want it to come here, but then again you don't want it to hit anyone else, so you feel like shit when you say you hope it hits another state.......Obviously it has to go somewhere and since I am about an hour from the coast, look a map to give you an idea of where I am......The little black dot at the end of the bubble.

So yeah, and here is the predicted path, which means in that cone of uncertainty in can go more east or west.

So with that said, I am off to the store in a bit for :: water, batteries, canned foods, shit load of bread, ham, cheese, WATER, WATER, WATER, paper plates, plastic spoons, forks, paper towels and whatever else I can think of while I am there. HOPEFULLY everyone is not fighting over the last can of tuna when I arrive, yes I have seen it happen............Anyway I have a cat that won't leave me the fuck alone so I need to go......Later Gator.

*Today I am thankful for the weather channel.........No Joke*

Moving on......

2008-08-25T10:16:00.002-05:00

We found a house we really really LOVE. We already own a house, no two houses. But this one is kicking our ass. And with the way the market is right now, I hear that it is a good time to buy, but not to sell. So anyway we are talking to the owner now about the new house....My husband will be meeting with him and everything. So we are pretty serious about this. And my kids love the house so that is a plus. My problem is that I will be leaving the last home that Lizzy lived in. We are in a 4 bedroom now--we will be downgrading to a 3 bedroom and it makes me sad to know that her physical body was never in the new house. There will be no more "Lizzy's room" Her stuff will be in an attic. So yeah I will be leaving some memories behind. Some good some bad. The bad is the field that she died in is right next to our house. I don't mind leaving that behind. Everyday I walk out I have to look out into that field and remember the helicopter landing and the ambulance speeding up and taking her away from us for the last time. Her heart was beating when she left the field.......It is just so sad thinking about leaving this behind, the last house she lived in, with her room still set up the way she had it, Her clothes in her closet and just fucking everything. I also think it would be good for us in a way though, in a sense I guess I feel that we could possibly move on as a more happy family, no reminders of "that" field, "that" day. I will always have her in my heart and the memories of her, the good ones will always be with me. So we will see what happens with this house.......who knows, it might not happen. I don't know yet. Anyway I did not sleep good last night and I really need to take a nap.

*I am thankful for the memories that I have of Lizzy, the happy ones*

A Perfect Circle.....Broken

2008-08-22T11:21:00.002-05:00

DRAMA. I hate drama and lately my life is full of it. I know if Lizzy was here life would be normal and there would be none of this drama. As for now I feel that our little family circle, our perfect circle has been broken for the time being. When it will repair itself, I do not know. Either way it makes me sad and depressed that she is not here and that our family continues to struggle.....

*Today I am thankful for hearing my children laugh, it makes me smile!*

And so it begins...

2008-08-07T22:37:00.002-05:00

Another school year. Kids getting older. My oldest is in highschool. HIGHSCHOOL! And I think about Lizzy and she would be in 7th grade. I just can't even imagine her being a 12 year old. She was 10 when she died, she was a baby to me still. My oldest son is 8 and my youngest is 6. I am dreading the year they turn 10.....I have no clue. It is just one of those weird mind things I guess....10 was when Lizzy died , so I have it in my mind that something bad will happen to one of them when they turn 10. It breaks my heart still that she is not here. I have been going through a rough period lately, we all have. But I am trying for you. Lizzy. To The Moon And Back......

Nothin' But A Good Time

2008-07-21T03:05:00.005-05:00

Remember those guys above?? One of the greatest Hair Metal Bands of all time! Shoooooot man- I used to like LOVE them a lot when I was around 14 or so, and that was about 18, 19 years ago? Damn where has the time gone! Fuck. Well anyway I saw them in concert once when I was that age and back then it was awesome. I had 6th row floor and I was with some people one whom I considered what I thought was my best friend (turns out she is the type of friend that will use you if you have more money, well my parents did back then anyway....) Anyway back to Poison, now I don't listen to them anymore. Can't remember the last time I actually heard one of their songs, BUT this Friday I get to see them in concert once again and my 15 year old daughter will be coming a long with us. She will probably be wondering why I liked them so much. She thinks they are ugly, and their hair is "fonky" as she so delicatley put it. Yet she really wants to go and see them in concert. She is right though, they are not all that anymore. But back then I thought they were the SHIT! I had posters of them all over my walls, including the one above. I kinda can't wait to see them though. Maybe if I close my eyes, I can pretend I was that 14/15 year old girl once again when things were so much simpiler *sigh* I leave you with a video from them below and hope that you have Nothin' But A Good Time with your life, don't take things so seriously *wink*

Never free from sadness

2008-07-05T00:18:00.004-05:00

So another July 4th has passed without our Lizzy. I tried to have a good time for the boys, for they are still young and time moves on for them. We didn't even buy fireworks, instead we went to the neighbors , ate some bbq and watched the fireworks. I thought of Lizzy as each one went off, pretending they were sending sweet messages to her.........I could just see her in my mind lighting those fireworks so happily last year for the New Year. In the picture below, she is the one kneeling down , not afraid to light those things. We had a great time, a day I hope to always remember, even in my old age.....Tonight I looked at the stars and saw you Lizzy. You are beautiful.

Waiting for the dreams....

2008-07-01T01:26:00.000-05:00

Yeap so tired, but cannot sleep. Took my Ambien and I am still up.........

I am taking my daughter to get her belly pierced tomorrow, something she has been wanting and her dad and i agreed upon. So yeah we will be busy tomorrow! And I am almost finished ordering my supplies, ooooooo can't wait!!

Blessed Be-
Les

Soap, Soap and more Soap!

2008-06-30T21:58:00.000-05:00

So I want to get back into the swing of thise with soapmaking. So I have ordered TONS of supplies tonight. Prices have gone up since I have last ordered anything which was probably over a year ago. Well I guess with the high gas prices and all that shit, I guess they have to raise prices *shrugs* Anyway I can't wait to get my new soap supplies in, I am like a kids in a candy store when it comes to soap supplies, seriously.......But the main reason I am doing this is basically to keep my mind and body busy. I know Lizzy would want me to make my soaps and lipbalms.......In fact I will always remember her coming home from school and I had a package of fragrances and she would just go through all of them smelling each one, telling me which ones she liked or disapproved of.........She liked pretty much all of them though :) She also loved "being a tester" for my bathbombs, soaps, lipbalms, you name it. And she was my best critic, so I am doing this for her, for my other 3 eartly angels and myself of course. The name of my site was SisterLoveSoaps, but will be changing it to Busy Lizzy Soaps N' More. I also make Fleece Fringed Blankets so will be adding that for the winter time, WHICH means I need to make them now.........Anyway that is up with me today. Hope you all have a great week.

Blessed Be-
Les

Stimulated.......

2008-06-28T18:17:00.000-05:00

So I opened up my mail today and what do I see? Our STIMULUS CHECK! OMG! lol We have been waiting for this since they first announced it. We have bills to catch up on and school clothes to buy, yayyyy. It has been raining for about 3 days now. I really do love the rain but since we live so close to the Bayou, yeah it can get pretty scary. So I need to find some new blog reads, if anyone has any suggestions at all, please leave the link in a message for me! Thanks guys :]]

Veddy Veddy Quiet!!

2008-06-28T08:23:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning to the sound of guess what?? NOTHING!! My oldest daughter, who is 15 , slept over at a friends house, and my two boys went to their grand-ma's for the night. I am so not used to all of them being gone at the same time!

My husband will be leaving here soon to go and help a friend fix his Mustang. We have one as well and I love it, but now the Engine light is on and it is just a lil over a year ago. Like what the fuck man? And I love that car.........We have the Expedition which he has been using for work, but DAMN it takes like 100.00 to fill up that monster :(

Anyway I will be back to update this later, my dogs need to go pee snd poop I am sure, lol

Later-
Peeps

Ever The Same

2008-06-27T02:29:00.002-05:00

So I am sitting here and it is 2 something in the morning. Today has been a bad day for me, emotionally and physically. Today it is June 27th, which marks 16 months since my daughter died. Tonight I sit here in her room on her bed, I changed the sheets finally since she has been gone. I was doing everything I could to hold on to every bit of her, everything she touched, I can smell her smell in the sheets. But today something told me...........a little voice inside my head, perhaps her? That said it was time to change the sheets and wash the comforter and just do a real good cleaning of her room. It was so much harder than I thought. Changing those sheets....the last thing she touched, laid upon while she was alive. But I did it.........

My eyes are going to be so swollen in the morning it is not even funny. School starts August 8th, and I am having a hard time grasping that fact that she would be going into the 7th grade. She was in 5th when she died. I see her peers and they have changed so much and I wonder how much she would have changed. She will be 12 next month, almost a teenager and I just can't imagine it. So very weird and sad :[

I am going to bed my eyes just want to close and I will be sleeping in her bed for the 1st time since she has died. I just miss her so much and I would love to be able to tell her just one more time how much I love her and miss her.........

I Love You Lizzy To The Moon And Back....

About Lizzy-Our Shooting Star

2008-06-25T00:22:00.001-05:00

Where to even start? Lizzy {Elizabeth Paige Cornes} was born August 14th, 1996. She weighed 6lbs 1oz and was born at 3:41 p.m. I was in labor with her for 19.5 hours, I guess she wasn't ready to enter this crazy world. She was due on my birthday August 17th, but decided to come before that. She was the best birthday present any parent could ask for. She was very energetic and loved to play with any kind of ball, I think in fact that was her first word. Little did we know she would be the athletic one. She was a tomboy and very unique and didn't care what others thought. She started playing soccer when she was 8 and loved it. She also became interested in skateboarding at around 9 years of age. We bought her a cheap skateboard from Toys R Us and she loved it. I joined MySpace, made an awesome new friend, whos son skates with Tony Hawk, but I didn't know that at the time. The band Rush was what started our friendship. When I told him about Busy Lizzy he sent her a deck signed by Tony Hawk and they made a complete board just for her as well sending her lots of cool skating clothes which she wore all the time. She started to become more serious with her skating and soccer. She wanted to be a professional soccer player when she grew up. The day before she passed she made two goals, her first ever. And they won their game. She was learning new tricks on her board and almost had that ollie down.........

The weekend was going great. This was on a Saturday Feb. 24th. Her best friend Thomas came in first in a school project and she made her goals. I remember that day like it was yesterday.

The 25th of Feb. started out good also. She played basketball. Had her best friend Thomas come over and his brother Russel. They rode 4-wheelers for a little while. Her dad bought her the new Tony Hawk playstation game and her and I played that for awhile. It was a good day until Thomas left for his boyscout meeting. She stayed inside to play her game with her dad. She would get bored easily so she would always have to do something with her hands. Which is why she wanted to play drums, and she was in the percussion section in her school's band. Later that day Thomas's brother came over to play with Lizzy and they started riding 4-wheelers again. She came inside and put the key on the table next to me, they were skating I think and then they decided to ride 4-wheelers again. I had the key to the 4-wheeler. She came in and asked me "Can I go ride 4-wheelers again?" We were supposed to go and eat Sunday supper at my mother in laws house down the road and I hesitated when I gave her the key..........I don't know if it was a bad feeling I had, but then she looked at me with those big blue eyes and I handed her the key which I REGRET to this day. I gave it to her and told her that she can't ride long since we will be going to eat at her grandma's house. I also told her not to race and go past 2-3 gear, to which she smiled and said "OK mom!!" And she ran out of the house..............Little did I know that was the last time I would see her alive. The accident is still sort of a mystery to us. We do know she passed away from cardiac arrest and a blood vessel in her brain burst. She was in 5th gear and I think she turned the 4-wheeler to sharp, got scared, used the wrong breaks and flew backwards banging the back of her head pretty badly on the rack in the back. We do know that she was conscience for a few after she hit her head since she did turn off the 4-wheeler........I think she was coming to get us, but she didn't make it and collapsed next to the 4-wheeler. Her friend Russell found her on the ground bleeding heavily and came to get us. My husband performed CPR and could tell her pulse was slowing down. It seems like it tool forever for the ambulance and Air-Med to reach us..............In my heart I knew that she wasn't going to make it. She passed away in her dads arms next to the 4-wheeler. We blame ourselves. She should have had a helmet on, if she did she still might be with us. Well that is about it. It has been 6 months since she passed but it feels like it happened just yesterday. I think about her everyday and can't believe she is gone. I would have traded places with her in a heart beat.

Wounds That Will Not Heal

2008-06-25T00:21:00.001-05:00

Well we had a Christmas and a New Year's without you, our very first. I thought Christmas was going to be hard, but I just thought of that as any other day. New Year's was more difficult because number one, I knew you LOVED to light those fireworks :) And well number two, was that I was leaving 2007 behind, the year you lived and died. And now we are in a new year and you aren't here at all and this is proving to be very difficult for me. I want you to know that I did end up watching the fireworks and they were beautiful just as you were, and you were all I thought about when I saw those fireworks go off. Not sad thoughts. But happy ones. I imagined you running to light fireworks next to your brother and sister and then running back, just in time before they went off. And I smiled thinking about that ;
) Anyway I need to go and visit you for the New Years, I went for Christmas and brought some things for you. I also put a picture of you in a ziploc bag, doubled up so that people knew how beautiful you were and those big blue eyes! I think what ever purpose you were put here on this earth my dear, you served it well. Many people miss you. Holly had her baby, named her Claire Elizabeth and Parrain Shawn and Nannie Lauren are having a baby boy soon, they named him Ian Jacob, how cute huh?? Your brother just had his 6th birthday and he is getting so big, he misses you. You two were good buddies. And Nick he is going to be 8 soon!! He has been doing things that you like doing like skating and sometimes he will pull out one of your old soccer balls, he and David will kick it around in the backyard. Kristen misses those fights you two used to have, lol She would give anything for one more day just to tell you that she loves you, just as we all wish. Oh and she is borrowing your belt, you know the one with the flames on it that you picked out at Wal-Mart? Well she has to wear a "normal" belt tomorrow, not the type that she likes, you know the punk/metal type. She felt bad about using your belt but I told her that you wouldn't mind and I know you wouldn't since you were so giving.............We are going to see LSU kick butt tonight at Thomas's house, he misses you as well and Russell also, their lives have changed forever since you came into their lives and I think for the good. Ms. Lori says she wouldn't be surprised if one of her children didn't name their daughter's Elizabeth, after you. Anyway sweetie, I am signing off for now since I have to help your dad prepare the snacks for the LSU game party, whatever you want to call it :) I know you are having a blast where ever you are, you know my beliefs. Life is a circle I once told you, Birth, Death and then Reborn. So I find it odd that two of your cousins became pregnant after you passed away, one having trouble getting pregnant, if you had a hand in this, Thank you. I will see you again one day............possibly in my dreams again??

Love,
Mom

To The Moon And Back I Love You

P.S. I finished my tattoo of you!! I know you would get a kick out of that and all I can hear you saying is "Sweeeeeet" with a big grin on your face............Missing you so much :(
)

Hurt

2008-06-25T00:20:00.002-05:00

The reflection looking back at me, not a pretty one. Eyes red, puffy. From crying no less. The memories of her keep popping up in my head and I can't escape them. I always find myself when talking to others "Yes I used to do that with Lizzy" Or " Yeah Lizzy was like that too" She is always in my conversations, if I don't say it out loud it certainly is in my mind. So much unsaid, if I can just go back in time and tell her that I Love Her one last time.........I feel like I am going crazy today. But when do I not feel like that? I see the pictures of her on the wall and in her curio cabinet and her eyes just stare back at me..........and knowing that I will never ever get to hold her again or listen to that silly spongebob laugh of hers, hurts like hell. Literally hurts. I never knew my heart could hurt like that. She was unique in every way and she taught me so much. I also feel guilty of the fact that I have three other children and I know I am not being the mom I am supposed to be. They talk, I listen, but from a distance. I remember last Christmas like it was yesterday and all of them opening their presents with such enthusiasm. When I was shopping for Christmas present's for the kids this year, I passed by a whole bunch of stuff Lizzy would have loved to have and yet we can't buy them for her. I know one of things that she would have really really wanted was a PSP or something like that and we would have gotten it for her. Anything to make her happy, not that she wasn't happy. She was so very happy and so sympathetic towards others. She hated to see anyone hurt or upset. It worried her.

I just don't know how to be happy anymore. And it has nothing to do with the kids or my wonderful husband. It is me. All me. A part of me died when she died and I can't get that part back, ever.
I am just HURT
To The Moon And Back Lizzy, I Love You for All Eternity, Mom.

3 Suns And 1 Star

2008-06-25T00:20:00.001-05:00

It certainly has been awhile since I have written here. I think I was avoiding it. Since her birthday in August I feel like I am going crazy. I miss her so much it hurts. I miss her laugh, smile, her love for life and the outdoors. I think of all the camping trips we have gone on since and think to myself how much she would LOVE to be here, playing and laughing and it makes me sad. I had an episode, I guess you would call it that a few weeks back. Right before Thanksgiving I just broke down. I screwed up a few things, finances included and I was always on top that. She passed away in Feb. and I think the realization that she is never coming back finally hit me and it hit me hard. I think it is the holidays, which I am trying to put on a happy face for the kids and hubby but deep down I don't ever feel like I will be happy. It will be a year Feb 25th and it still seems like yesterday that we lost her. Everything is still so vivid. I think about her 24/7 and it haunts my mind and soul. I don't want to grow to be an old unhappy hag but the way things are going, I don't know. I can't get away from the past and that bothers me so much and although the boys are young I don't think they pick up on it, but as for my husband and my teen daughter I know that they do. My husband hurts but doesn't talk about it and I am scared to even mention her name in front of him, I just don't want to make him sad. The holidays were her favorite and we both are having a tough time, he acts like he isn't, but I can tell. We are both putting on fronts for each other and I think it is doing more harm than good.

I stopped seeing the psychiatrist in June or so , thinking I was going to be able to make it on my own and find that happiness I so long for and then when her birthday came, I just haven't been the same since. So when I had my break down a few weeks ago I ended up calling my doctor and will start seeing him again. I know I will never be happy like I was when she was here, hopefully he can teach me some coping skills to deal with my daughter's death and look towards the future, for the sake of my children and husband. I will never forget her. She was our Busy Lizzy and it is still so hard to believe she is gone.........I have video's of her from past holiday's that I can't bare to watch. I am hoping that one day though, I will be able to watch them and maybe even laugh about the good times and the silly things she said or did.

The picture above was taken on Thanksgiving day. I love the picture. To me it is like she is the light that is surrounding them :) I visit her grave often and it just gets harder and harder. I brought her fall flowers and will be bringing her Christmas flowers soon, maybe even decorate her resting place a bit. We put our Christmas tree up, and we still hung her stocking that she made last year. I think in honor of her I will be buying something that she would have wanted and donate it to the less fortunate. She loved soccer and skateboarding so it will be one of those gifts in memory of her. Here is another picture from Christmas 2006, when she was with us. She was helping her dad and siblings put lights up on the house, she is the one at the very top looking tough, lol. I wish I would have known it would have been her last :down:

All felt is hope
To spilling over
Needs are a passing memory
Fear not worthy
Belief
A martyrs burden
Heaved upon capable shoulders
Dissuade your charge
Arrive in commonplace with the elect
Size up the furthest plateau
Inside the soul of saints...

The old dog has to learn a new trick and more
Or the next trick will be on him
I've drank the oceans dry
I've stopped the time
Embraced the riddle of regret (again and again)

Desire
Haunts me long
The light of 3 suns and one star
Watch over me...
A square will never fit a circle
No hope
No joke
Both bookend burned

I've drown in oceans (of) mine
I woke the dead
And still the dry bones
Live again
(And again with me)

Desire
Haunts me long
The light of 3 suns and one star
No higher
Keeps us strong
The light of 3 suns and one star...
Watching over me

In me...watching closely over me
In We...moving within you and me
In deep...our own ideology

In me...x-ray hanged for all to see
Naked...frenzied and we're free
Our own ideology...

Desire
Haunts me long
The light of 3 suns and one star
No higher
Keeps us strong
The light of 3 suns and one star...
Watching ME...

Three suns and one star
Watch over me

I Carry Your Heart

2008-06-25T00:19:00.001-05:00

I haven't posted in awhile for many reasons. These past few months have been very emotional for our family. Months for firsts without Lizzy here. In July we went on our first vacation without her. We had fun but she was always in the back of my mind. August 14th was her 11th birthday and we had to go to the cemetery to wish her a Happy Birthday and leave flowers, balloons and a soccer ball. No parent should have to go through that. Three days after her birthday is my birthday and I miss her homemade birthday cards. She would make me one for every holiday, I just found a couple more in the attic a few weeks ago. School started , she would be in the 6th grade. I miss seeing her get off the bus and coming inside asking for a snack and helping her with homework. My oldest daughter came home Friday with a folder of papers that Lizzy worked on in the 5th grade. One of the papers was titled "Why Am I Special" I really broke down reading her answers. In it she spoke of three wishes for her future, what she wanted to be when she grew up and who her hero's were, which were us, her family. The above picture is taken from one of her birthday's. She also loved poetry so below I will add one of my favorite poems by E.E. Cummings "I Carry Your Heart" I Love You Busy Lizzy To The Moon And Back.......

Today I am thankful for my family and friends who try to keep me sane, I love you all....

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
not fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

And Was She Aware She Was The Very Last One

2008-06-25T00:17:00.001-05:00

Lizzy with her lil brother Nick waiting for a Mardi Gras Parade about 5 years ago.......
Today I went to visit you. Your brothers and sister and I. We brought you more flowers to place in the holder. I am afraid that there will be no more room for flowers soon, lol So I guess I will calm down a bit with that. It was hard today, visiting you. I think of the good times and just cry, I sit at the grave site and wonder if I will ever be happy again without you. I know I have people around me that love me and your brothers and sister to care for, but it just isn't the same without you here. All I wanted to do the week after you passed was to look at pictures of you and your beautiful face, now I find it hard to even glance at your last school photo that hangs on the wall, much less go through any photos. So I haven't done that. And I feel guilty for not wanting to look at pictures of you. I guess in time I will be able to once again look at your pictures and laugh about some and maybe even tell the stories behind the pictures but for now I can't and I am so very sorry..........I light my candles for you every night and hope to dream about you every night. Your room is closed off to visitors, I mean I will show them your room, but again I get very uncomfortable even going in there. Your smell still lingers or maybe it is just my imagination. Opening your closet and looking at your clothes is so very hard. Looking at your favorite shirts and pants, smelling them, laying in your bed and smelling your pillow. And I wonder if it is normal for me to do those things...........Anyway babe I am not doing good at all. I put on a act and have been able to play it off really good for awhile now but I don't know how much longer I can keep looking at people and acting like nothing happened......Anyway my beautiful blue eyed babe, I am tired as usual. I wish I could sleep all day, put you know that is impossible. I try to keep moving for your brothers, and sis and your dad............And I am slacking big time. I welcome the night when I go go to sleep and not have to think about anything, just try to dream of you........So I am going to sign off for now. I love you to the moon and back. I will see you around the house sweetie!!

There is a hole in my heart and there is nothing that can repair it................

To You I Would Give The World

2008-06-25T00:15:00.001-05:00

I just don't know what to say right now. I am still lost. Have come to the fact that she is gone forever. I put on a happy face for everyone or at least try to........I have learned who my true friends are in this situation that is for sure. So it was 3 months on May 25th...............The images of her at the accident scene, hospital or in the casket will never leave my memories............Those images will be with me until the day I die. I do have some very awesome memories of her though and when I think about the good memories, I break down and cry. I have her portrait tattooed on my back, still have to get her birth and death dates on there but for the most part it is done.............Anyway I will never forget her growing in my tummy, being a major kicker. My 19 1/2 labor with her. My first experiences with breastfeeding. All of her birthdays, our trips together as a family...........Speaking of which we went to Yogi Bear Park and went camping. She loved to camp and wasn't there with us. I had fun but felt guilty at the same time. She should have been there with us having fun. :down:

Hug your kids tight tight tonight and every night, never go to bed angry and always say I Love You..............You just never know when that will be the last time you see or speak to that person.......

To The Moon And Back Lizzy I Love You With All Of My Heart

Beautiful Child

2008-06-25T00:14:00.000-05:00

It is hard to believe that it will be 2 months since our Busy Lizzy left, It just doesn't feel right. I think about her everyday, cry everyday. I even went to the cemetery the other day with my youngest son after we did some shopping. One of my missions was to find green Lizzy Beads (we call them that but you get them at the craft store, or like me I got them at Wal-Mart) Anyway I found the beautiful green gems to put into the vase that they have at her grave site......I fixed her flowers up, I bought some more to add to the one's that Holly had added first. So I added mine then I put a mini-birdhouse skateboard sticking out of the Styrofoam. And added the green Lizzy Beads since green was her favorite color (and mine as well) Anyway it gets harder and harder to visit her, I just can't believe she is buried under all of that marble. I miss her like crazy and there is nothing that I can say or do to bring her back. And I keep thinking WHY us? WHY her? She didn't do anything to deserve this. She was a 10 year old little girl who loved the outdoors, soccer, skateboarding and playing with her best friend Thomas. She was bullied at school because she was a tomboy and just before she passed away she had started to become really good friends with one of the girls that bullied her...........She even called to talk to our older daughter today. I don't know what she wanted. But I do know that she typed out a letter to Elizabeth and us and placed it on her casket.............It was a heart wrenching letter. Elizabeth taught her many things it said , one of them might have been not to bully anymore? I don't know........I am just so proud of Elizabeth and I can't tell her and I can't tell her how much I love her. I can't do the snug as a bug in a rug thing anymore, yeah she was 10 but we still did it sometimes. All I can do is to look at pictures of her and wish how much that she was here.........Her little brother told me today. He is 5 keep in mind. "Mom, do you have another baby in your tummy?" I then said No, why?? "Because you need another Elizabeth" "You won't be sad anymore if you have another Elizabeth" So he notices more than I think I suppose........I am tired and will dream of Lizzy tonight or hope to. Below is a picture of her headstone, she is buried with her great grandmother and great grandfather, their headstone is the one above hers............To The Moon And Back Lizzy

Grey Street

2008-06-25T00:13:00.001-05:00

I didn't realize she impacted so many people in her short life, but apparently she did and was loved by so many.........There weren't to many empty seats in the chapel. I just want to post this excerpt about her from our local newspaper. The students and her teachers put it together. I will be fixing up her site and then I will start telling the story of our beloved and missed Busy Lizzy. Props go to Sarah for putting this site together and coming up with the awesome skater girl graphics, Lizzy would have loved it..............Anyway here is the excerpt:

Children come to school to learn, but sometimes they are taken away before they're finished. Elizabeth Cornes, a fifth-grader, died in an accident in February. She did her homework and did her best on tests, but she always found time to play. She loved skateboarding and soccer, but she was quiet, also. She had beautiful eyes that let her sweetness come through.The fifth-graders and teachers at Acadian Middle miss her, but know she is skateboarding and having fun in heaven. We miss you, little "Busy Lizzy."

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

2008-06-25T00:11:00.000-05:00

This is going to be Elizabeth Paige Cornes "Busy Lizzy" Memorial site, with the help of Sarah I should have it up and running real soon. I miss you my blue eyed baby............ :down:

Thank you...

2007-03-28T14:17:00.000-05:00

Thank you all for your kind words and condolences.........I am setting up her own domain busylizzy.net, with the help of Sarah a long time friend of mine. I will be using Expression Engine........It is going to be her memorial site and there I will blog about her and other things and post pictures of my blue eyed baby and of course my other darlings...............So please bookmark busylizzy.net..........As from now on that is where I will start my posting. Thanks again for all of the comments, they mean so much right now and I guess that I can speak from experience about death now, I want to talk about her, I want you to talk about her, I want everyone to talk about her.........I don't want this to be a hush hush thing as she will always be on my mind and in my heart..............

Her blue eyes amazed me........

2007-03-22T11:18:00.000-05:00

So Far Gone...........How do I go on??

She has my heart and the tears overflow...

2007-03-17T02:52:00.000-05:00

My baby girl, 10 years old died Feb 25th...........I am pretty much still in shock and numb over this. I have my good moments but mostly always bad. I have to stay pretty "normal" for my other three kids.......I am so heartbroken over this I don't know what to do with myself. She wasn't sick. She was in a single 4-wheeler accident. Not exactly sure how her skull was crushed but we have our theories.........My husband tried to save her........She was an awesome kid. It is our fault, she could have had a helmet on and then she probably would have lived. We blame ourselves and will for the rest of our lives. If I could change places with her I would do it in a heartbeat, no doubt........This is the definite downward spiral. I will write more later when my thoughts are not all jumbled.

I love you BUSY LIZZY and I will see you in my dreams...........

Let the Blackness Roll On...

2007-01-30T08:26:00.001-06:00

I haven't in awhile. I apologize for those that do read my blog. My two best friends are sitting here next to me (my black lab, Missy, and Punkin my chihuahua/terrier mix..............Sitting here, relaxing, not a care in the world except when they will get their next bowl of food.

My titles as of late, I don't know if any of you realized, but are excerpts from lyrics of some of my favorite songs........(Yeap mostly metal) The one above is from Acid Bath's "Bleed Me An Ocean" Music makes me forget about things that are going on here in the "real" world.........

Pain Management was well weird. Essentially pain management doctors are anesthesiologists who help to treat chronic pain by well prescribing medication. There are other ways, but I think they only use the EPIDURAL STEROID INJECTIONS or SYMPATHETIC NERVE BLOCKS in extreme cases where the medications do not work. So what am I on you ask? Well for one............When he started to talk to me, it was like he was in my head. That is what I meant by meaning weird. It would have been like he was in the room with my husband and I arguing why I can't pick up the kids because I hurt to bad. He gave examples of EVERYTHING that I have pretty much experience on a social basis in dealing with people and pain. And what did I do? I just busted out started crying...........When the nurse asked if I was depressed, I said No of course not. LIE LIE LIE, DENY DENY DENY. The doctor could see right through it though, possibly because he has dealt with so many patients like me and he has pain issues himself, so it was nice talking to someone who understands the physical as well as emotional impact Pain has on a person. I am now on an antidepressant for the umpteenth time. None have really worked before, maybe this one will be different. I am also on a Muscle relaxer that is given to pediatric patients so it doesn't make me loopy he says (Musle relaxers never made me loopy though) and a non-narcotic Pain Reliever that I don't think works to well :( But that is okay as he said he might have to switch medicines and try different things till I start feeling relief.....I have to see him once a month and they are very strict as far as medicine refills are concerned. I can only get them filled at one pharmacy. There is a possibility that they could spring a surprise drug test on me just to make sure I am not taking anything I am not supposed to or more medicine than I am supposed to be taking (which is never an issue for me, I take them as I am told) I also had to sign this contract to be treated with Narcotics, something the state of Louisiana needs? I guess so they won't get suspicious of my monthly refills? Who knows.........Anyway I am not worried about that shit. I just want pain relief, which I don't feel at the moment. I was just able to get my meds filled yesterday so it is only my second day, will give it time.........But I think I might have to make a call next week.........We shall see how it goes!

Anyway I need to go to the post office to mail out a box. So I will go read my daily reads in a bit and say hi to you all

Down In A Hole.......

2007-01-24T16:22:00.000-06:00

I've got a fucking headache that won't quit........Damn this sucks and I can't wait until tomorrow. I need relief. Neck pain relief, leg pain relief. Shit I feel like an old lady and this sucks ASS...........Wish me luck tomorrow, will let you all know (all 2 of you) that read this know what happens.......Arghhhh

Bleed So Easy...

2007-01-24T07:49:00.000-06:00

Okay so maybe I was a lil harsh on the Bears guy down below hoping that he would choke on a chicken bone...............Karma is what it is. And I believe in Karma..................Nope I am not a Christian for all wondering as well. Hope that doesn't send any of you running for the hills.

Speaking of religion (which I do try to stay away from this topic, but sometimes ya just can't)Has anyone seen Wicker Man with Nicholas Cage? That movie was just weird and it certainly did give neo-pagans a bad name. I can understand it was a remake of a movie from like the 1970's , also an adaptation of the book The Ritual so maybe they just didn't have a complete grasp on what being a Pagan really is. What people don't understand, they are scared of. Anyway I am gonna watch the 1970's original, got that on my Netflix list so that is coming soon.............Just want to compare the two movies.

ASSHAT of the Day :: So tomorrow I head out to Pain Management, I was supposed to have an appointment on the 18th. I spoke with the lady from the insurance at the office, she said all i was to pay was my copay which is $20.00. So I was like cool, I am finally gonna get some relief maybe (for all that don't know I was in a rollover accident almost 2 years ago, I was driving, not at fault) But has caused me so many problems since. I even have a Titanium plate in my neck, and even though it did ease some of the pain, I am not completely out of pain.......In fact I wake everyday with something hurting, and it sucks because I have 4 kids that I have to try and take care of and act like everything is okay for them, when in fact I am not. Okay back to AssHat of the day, so I arrive for my appointment 30 minutes early like I was supposed to, get to the front desk and the lady came back and said $350.00................I was like what??? I said NO that is not right, I spoke to the insurance lady and she said all i pay is my copay. So she said Hold On, went to the back to do what, I have no idea....Anyway she came back and said no sorry it is in fact $350.00. So I was like screw that, I left the place pretty much in tears. I came back called the insurance lady that I had spoken to and although she didn't return my call that day, she did so the next day. I told her what they told me up front and she agreed that it didn't make sense , so she said that she was gonna call some people and that she would call me back to find out what the hell was going on. So she called me back and guess what? I only pay my 20.00..........She was really apologetic and said the girl up front that told me that stuff was new, but then she said she still don't know why she told me that since she had printed out a paper that said I was only to pay my $20.00.........So they all got their assess chewed out by the insurance lady (yes!) lol And they are squeezing me in tomorrow because of their mistake, otherwise I would have to wait up to 2 months for another appointment. But being that I showed up on time and I wasn't at fault, they are making up for their mistake. So yeah tomorrow it is at 9:00 and I am nervous as fuck. See I was all ready last week when I went and now I had to wait again. I don't know what to expect or what is going happen, anyway we shall see.........

Saints Lost :(

2007-01-23T12:53:00.000-06:00

Okay it has taken me a couple of days to recover from this blow (I know it is only football) but fuck we were doing so good and you know what? Even though we lost I am so fucking proud of the Saints, you guys rock and I can't wait till next season!

Asshat of the Day: Okay I hope this guy chokes on a chicken bone or something...........This was and is so not cool. I don't care how big of a Bears fan you are. Fuck you ASSHAT.............And for what it is worth, the Bears played an awesome game............So FUCK YOU...........

Saints/Bears Today.........

2007-01-21T08:31:00.000-06:00

So nervous today. I am rooting big time for our Saints here........I can not even explain the emotions of the people here. I know I know it is ONLY football...........But those of you that have never rooted for the Saints, like we have since I was a small girl, only to see them fail time and time again........Well maybe you would understand. We need for them to WIN, NEW ORLEANS needs for the Saints to win. So who do you think will win today? I know a lot of people think that weather is a big advantage to the Bears, BUT some if not all of the Saints have played in those type of weather conditions in college. I mean they are not actually from Louisiana and have lived here their whole life, A lot of them are from up North and would be used to the snow and what not.........Granted they can't really practice in it over here, but when it comes down to it all. I don't think that the "weather" is going to be a factor no matter what "they" say. The odds are good though for the Saints, everyone is picking them (well according to the NFL channel) They want them to win , we want them to win..............So my question above, who do you think will win today. And if you are for the Bears good for you, but don't leave your ranting about how you think the Saints suck here and that it is just "LUCK" cause I will just tell you to go fuck yourself, its my blog, why not? haha

This man here is awesome:

David Cardaciotto's Member Gallery

Technorati Tags: New Orleans Saints, Louisiana

Google AdSense?

2007-01-19T13:27:00.000-06:00

How do I get the Google Advertisements on my page? I inserted the code and nothing........does anyone know what I am doing wrong?? :(

It's true!

2007-01-17T21:57:00.001-06:00

Yeap it is not a rumor they are in New Orleans living and Maddox will be going to school there.

Chortler - Today in Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

Good luck yall....

Speaking of Brad and Angelina Pitt

2007-01-17T10:20:00.001-06:00

This just in from The View :: Brad and Angelina are moving to New Orleans.

So the famous couple will only be about 1hr and 45 minutes from moi. How lucky are we, haha

Bradgelina

2007-01-17T09:52:00.001-06:00

I don't know what is up with her...........But I used to like her, I really did. But yesterday when I saw E! Channel trying to interview them, Brad talked but she just........I don't know, she just stood there like that, not talking. She seemed kind of stuck up to me, or is it just me? Whatever I guess.......

csmack-angiebrad-gg5.jpg (image)

Technorati Tags: Bradgelina

Snow Day In Louisiana (When Hell Freezes Over!)

2007-01-17T08:44:00.001-06:00

So the kids are off of school today. I really don't know why except that it is really cold out, well cold for us down here in the South. It is 36 okay? Alright? I don't want to hear it from the northerners that we are a bunch of wimps.........Because I already know this mannnnnn. So I think we were supposed to get some ice or something but that didn't happen so the kids are now home, a snow day if you will. Now why don't they react like this when the weather is really bad, ummm I don't know like when a fucking hurricane is headed toward us? Yeap they will wait till the last minute for that, but a little cold weather and everything in the town shuts down. I know we are ass backwards here. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else though, I would totally feel out of place and I need CRAWFISH. Yes that is a must, I will DIE if I don't get it at least once a year, that is all I need......So yeap even with all of its flaws, I could never leave Louisiana......

Technorati Tags: Louisiana, Kids, Weather

And the beat goes on...

2007-01-16T15:26:00.001-06:00

Oh man I hate being SICK! It is the plague in our house, it just needs to go away like today. And what the hell is wrong with people? They found two twin embryo's in the sewage line of some apartments......I don't know if it was in Louisiana or what, but for real.........I am just speechless and don't know what to say.

AssHat Of The Day-On the way to the bank this morning, as I was driving along , the weather here has been less than desirable. Well anyway it is pretty cold outside (37) and raining, but no sleet or anything, well this truck/SUV decides to quickly pull out in front of me and in doing so proceeds to do a 360..........So I stop, look at him stupidly and wait for him to back up and get back into the correct position. Well this fool is going to the post office. THE FUCKING POST OFFICE and he was in that much of a hurry that he had to quickly pull out in front of me on a busy road , slippery at that, do 360 and go to post office. He must have had some important mailing to do that is all I know........AssHat.

Who Dat??

2007-01-14T15:29:00.000-06:00

Saints and the Bears.........And you know I am all for the New Orleans Saints so GEAUX SAINTS!!

The Thinking Meme

2007-01-13T14:53:00.000-06:00

1. If you had to choose one vice in exclusion of all others what would it be? Belle had a good answer, Sweet Tea.........I can't live without Sweet Tea...........But I think I would have to say and don't ridicule me or say anything shitty but right now I can 't live without my anxiety medication (Kat knows alllllll about this and she was the first one I confided in about this (non-family)

2. If you could change one specific thing about the world what would it be? Oh gosh. I think I'd get rid of money and go back to the barter system. That way everyone truly earns what they have. *I couldn't have thought of a better answer myself Belle, I LOATH money , oh and cars*

3. Name the cartoon character you identify with the most.
Patrick the star from Spongebob, I can be so out of it like him at times.

4. If you could live one day in your life over again which one would it be?
Probably just to spend one more day with my grandmother and really ask her personal questions like: Why did she not get married again after my grandfather and her split in 1948? She lived a widow all of her life until her death in 1992..........Was it because she stilled loved my grandfather who was an alcoholic and did not want anything to do with my mom, I mean questions like that.........I was 17 when she died so I really did not even think about asking her those questions but now that I am married and have a family of my own I just always wonder if she was lonely...........

5. If you could go back in history and spend a day with one person who would it be? See number 4

6. What is the one thing you lost, sold or threw away that you wish you could have back? Probably a lot of toys or clothes that my grandmother had sewn for me......

7. What is your one most important contribution to this world? Ummmm, can I get back to you on this one?

8. What is your one hidden talent that nearly no one knows about? I have no talent. I am talentless...........I can cook a mean gumbo though, if that counts at all??

9. What is your most cherished possession? The golden rose my husband gave me on one of our anniversaries.

10. What one person influenced your life the most when growing up?
No one that I can recall right now..........

11. What one word describes you better than any other?
Strange- I am a mother to 4 with a pierced tongue and tattoo who happens to listen to rock, very LOUD in the car and I wear nothing but black.............

Swollen Ankle

2007-01-09T15:24:00.001-06:00

I swear there is always something wrong with one of my body parts. Today it is my calf and swollen ankle. They then sent me to have an ultrasound done to rule out a possible blood clot, good news no blood clot...........Bad news they have no fucking idea why I have fluid build up around my ankle............I don't have an ankle, I have a cankle, seriously...........So yeah what next? The doctors still haven't called me back to let me know what to do or if I need to be on some sort of meds besides pain killers..........Anyway...............Will post more about this shit later.

Potato Soup Part II

2007-01-05T17:46:00.000-06:00

Potato Soup recipe that I just LOVE ::

INGREDIENTS

9 baking potatoes
2/3 cup butter
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
6 cups whole milk
1/2 tablespoon salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 cup bacon bits, divided
4 green onions, chopped
10 ounces shredded Cheddar cheese
1 (8 ounce) container sour cream

DIRECTIONS

Prick potatoes with a fork and cook in the microwave, 3 or 4 at a time, and scoop out the flesh (while the others are cooking).
In a large saucepan over medium heat, melt butter. Stir in flour and cook about a minute. Whisk in milk, a little at a time, stirring constantly until thickened. Stir in potatoes, salt, pepper, 1/3 cup bacon bits, 2 tablespoons green onions and most of the cheese. Cook until thoroughly heated. Stir in sour cream and heat through. Serve topped with remaining bacon, onions and cheese.

Potato Soup and Teens

2007-01-05T15:50:00.000-06:00

So I am off to cook supper and then bring my almost 14 year old to a school dance with a friend along with her 10 year old sister........When did my daughter become a teen and why do I have to make supper.............umm oh yeah to feed the kids...........

Template fixed?

2007-01-05T13:50:00.000-06:00

Okay after being away from blogging for what seems like forever (it has only been 2 years) but alot has happened in 2 years let me tell you. Some good and some bad. I lost all of my blogging buddies out there and I do hope some of them find me :( I have been hanging out at MySpace alot, but I don't like posting blogs there because EVERYONE reads them and family and friends are on my friends list and well I am just not comfortable with that....Anyway I am back....And I will post an update of what has been going on with me.........