So dark in the moonlight.....

Don't ask me how I am doing, unless you are prepared to hear the absolute truth.......I am not stupid, I know you want me to lie to you and tell you that we are ok and how happy we are now. That is furthest from the truth. So very far........SO maybe do us a favor and not ask us how we are doing at all OR maybe you can just say hey " Let's talk about her....let's talk about Lizzy" Just cut to the chase, please........I hate it when you beat around the bush, trying to avoid the unavoidable in our minds. We know it is uncomfortable for you, how do you think it feels for us? Everyone acting like she doesn't exist, pisses me the FUCK off. There I said it. No holding back. Don't like it, don't read my words. Yes my words. I may not speak much to you in person and it is because you wish not to speak to me, I do know this. I can read it in your faces. You see me and you see a bitch, to you family and friends that is nothing but a shell.....what you don't see is the hurt and how torn I am inside AND maybe I don't want you to see this, this despair I have kept hidden for years now.

de·spair (d-spâr)

intr.v. de·spaired, de·spair·ing, de·spairs

1. To lose all hope: despaired of reaching shore safely.

2. To be overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.

n.

1. Complete loss of hope.

2. One despaired of or causing despair

So before you ask me this question which is very hard for me to answer, think twice about asking it.....please. You are probably better off not saying anything at all..........

Freeze the fading past:3 Years

February 25th. 3 years ago was the day we said good bye to our 10 year old daughter as she walked out of the house to go play with her friends. She was 10, and would be riding my 4 wheeler. An adult sized 4-wheeler. We know she shouldn't have been on it, spare us the details please. She had her fun on it until her accident, that sent our family spinning into the depths of despair. We went through all of the "Why's" "Why not us" All of those questions. It didn't seem real in the beginning , some days it still does not seem real. She should have had a helmet on.....NO she should have NEVER been on that thing to begin with, her frame was just to tiny for that large machine, but yet there are still kids riding without helmets on these big machines all over. Sure it's fun! But.....not until someone you love dies. And then you realize it all could have been prevented, and I think that is what hurts the most....that we could have prevented her death. I know it is to late for my Lizzy but what about these other kids that hop on these 4-wheelers with out a care in the world and no helmets? What can we do?? What can YOU do?

I'm missing her a lot these past couple of months. I see girls her age and am just in awe at how tall they are, matured and try to think of what she would look like and then I face the reality that I will never see her become a teenager so I need to keep her beautiful 10 year old face in my mind as is. When I do try to picture her as a teen, I can feel myself almost stop breathing and heart racing.........I just never thought I would lose my baby girl and this bites. Back to reality...